Got dumped by your girlfriend? You’re not alone. Break ups happen all the time – but it’s what you do next that defines the outcome. If you’d like to work toward getting back together with your ex, it’s important to find out which techniques work for your own unique situation. Doing the right thing can make the difference between getting your ex back or sending her running in the opposite direction.
Every single time a relationship ends, you’re faced with the same two choices: move forward, or try to fix what’s broken. Almost every guy in the world tries to get their ex back at one time or another, and some of them even succeed. But the ones that fail? They moved too fast, acted too hastily, or made poor decisions when it came to choosing the right method. You’ll never get your her back unless you can calm down and start thinking rationally – with your head and not your heart.
“So how do I win back my ex girlfriend?”
There are many different ways to make your ex want you again, but the techniques below will give you a pretty good head start. Don’t just read them… understand why they work, and how they apply to your own break up. Once you do, you can use the lessons learned here to improve the situation with your ex.
Stop Everything and Step Back
As soon as your relationship ends, you’ll think your exgirlfriend is deadset on moving forward without you. This isn’t always the case. Many times a girl breaks up with you but still has strong feelings for you, yet the one thing that’s always the same is this: your ex will watch you carefully for your reaction to the break up. How you conduct yourself in the days just after she ends things will either make or break your chances of getting her back in your arms again.
Getting back your ex requires you to stop everything and take a big step backward. The best way to move on right now is to accept what happened for exactly what it is: a break up. Your ex dumped you, and you’re now single. Trying to fight it, argue against it, plead or beg for your relationship back won’t help. In fact, it’ll hurt more than anything else right now. Your ex won’t want you back if she doesn’t respect you… so don’t throw away her respect by groveling. Ditto for getting angry, bitter, or raging against the break up. All of these things make you seem jealous and desperate, and they’ll hurt your chances of reconciliation.
Keeping calm and cool are two of the best ways to handle the entire situation. Do this, and you’ve already taken a big step toward getting back together with your girlfriend.
Accept Your Break Up
When she breaks up with you, your girlfriend will prepare herself for what you might do. But you know what she doesn’t expect? No reaction at all.
Imagine your exgirlfriend’s shock and surprise when you listen to what she has to say… and then nod your head in agreement. “Yes, things have been pretty bad between us. Maybe we should break up.” Her jaw is going to hit the floor before that last sentence leaves your lips.
Accepting the fact that your ex has chosen to end the relationship gives you a tremendous advantage over those guys who fight their girlfriends’ decision by kicking and screaming. You’re agreeing with her, which puts you directly in line with her thought process. She’ll have all these counter-arguments prepared to use against you… and yet she’ll need none of them. Because you’re shrugging your shoulders, saying “okay”, and walking away with your dignity (and her respect) intact.
And if you’ve already broken up, and think it’s too late? You’re dead wrong. It’s never too late to let your ex know you’ve finally accepted the break up. There are some really good techniques for getting indirectly in touch with her, to show her that you’ve reached this point. Learn what they are, and use them if your break up is already more than a few days old.
Disappear and Break Contact
In asking yourself how do I win back my ex girlfriend, you should also be asking how quickly you want to do it. If you want to get your ex back fast, you’ll have to learn the golden rule: make her miss you, and she’ll want you back. To do this, you first must disappear. Your ex can’t miss you if you’re always around, which is why the sooner you can drop out of sight the faster you can work toward getting back together with your exgirlfriend.
Not contacting your ex in any way means just that: no emails, texts, phone calls, or social network communication. When you take yourself away from your ex girlfriend’s world, she starts to wonder where you are. This is when your ex will miss you. This is when she’ll start looking around, maybe even thinking up reasons to get in touch with you again. The no-contact approach works because of one simple fact: your ex girlfriend never expected to lose you completely. She was looking forward to letting you go little by little, bit by bit, staying connected on some friendly, social levels while she decided what she wanted to do next. Having you “still there” was an important part of her comfort level. And when you’re utterly gone? She’s going to become very uncomfortable, rather quickly.
Are you over the relationship? Do you still love her? Did you find somebody else? Why haven’t you tried to contact her? These thoughts will fill her head and make her thoughts spin in a matter of days, not weeks. Every girl who dumps someone still wants to know what they’re up to… your ex wants to see you upset that you lost her, not “okay” with the fact that you’re no longer dating. Leaving her alone makes her lonely. Not getting in touch with your ex rattles her out of the comfortable little break up nest she spent so much time building. The thought of completely losing you all at once will make her question the break up, or even reverse her decision to end things. Make sure you fully disappear, in order to pull this off correctly.
Contact Your Ex Girlfriend
You never want to take this step too early, but you should know when enough solo time has passed between you. Reconnecting with your ex at this point is a lot easier than it would’ve been right after she broke up with you. By now you have your own life, and more importantly, your own mysteries that she knows nothing about. If you broke contact correctly, your ex will be dying to know what you’ve been up to. Women are, above all else, insanely curious. Hearing from you at this point will be very welcome to her.
There are ways of reestablishing a connection with your ex girlfriend, but even better there are ways of getting your ex to contact you. “How do I win back my ex girlfriend?” by learning the techniques and methods that are most successful for reconnection, and then applying them to your own situation. Once you’ve started talking again, you can move onto the next phase of fixing your break up: setting up the reunion date.
Meeting Your Ex For The First Time
By the time you’ve arranged to see your ex again, the two of you will be in a totally different place then when you first broke up. Since you’ve taken some time apart, you’ve hopefully both had the chance to view things from each others’ perspective. By stepping into your ex’s shoes, you can see how she viewed your old relationship, and understand what was wrong from her point of view. This is crucial to getting back together again.
Seeing your ex again should be something you both look forward to. Pick a place that she likes, or one that’s close to where she lives or works. Make it casual, and easy – like a lunch or coffee shop. Dinner is too heavy, and you don’t want a very long date for the first meeting. If you remember only one thing, let it be this: make your ex feel comfortable. The more cushy you can make her feel, the more she’ll open up and enjoy herself. You don’t want her to come to see you in a standoffish, cautious, or sensitive mood.
Let the conversation flow naturally, and try not to talk about anything serious. Definitely don’t mention the break up. Ask about work, school, home and family. Tell her what you’ve been up to, and put a positive spin on everything. Be humorous, and let your ex relax. If she’s comfortable doing the talking, let her do most of it. If she’s shy, try to gently pull her out of her shell. How this date goes will determine whether or not you’ll get another one. In trying to get your girlfriend back, you need to stir up some of those old romantic feelings she once had for you.
Asking yourself the question how do I win back my ex girlfriend is a great beginning, but you need to follow through. Your chances of getting back your ex will always be greatest when you’ve got a well-laid plan for success. Mapping out the steps you’ll take to win her back could require some doing, but the advanced planning will help you on the path to fixing your break up. And knowledge is key when it comes to understanding what to say or do. The more you know, the better off you always are.
Guest Blog Post: Brittany
Image by ShutterRunner
Today is a very special day on the blog. I am very pleased to introduce the first ever guest blog post: Brittany. I will keep her introduction short, because as you are about to find out, her writing skills put mine to shame. Brit and I just got back from a nine day european vacation. In addition to the recent europe pics, Brit has tagged along on many of my adventures. Without further ado…
Let me begin by confessing, I am by no means a photographer. I may spend a lot of time with one, but unfortunately, I really haven’t absorbed anything he has tried to teach me. Honestly, ask me about white balance or bracketing or ISO settings, and you’ll get nothing from me other than an expression of complete and utter bewilderment. However, having been beside our beloved ShutterRunner during many of his recent travels, I have come to truly appreciate the complexity of producing a great photograph. And let me stress, it can be an exceedingly taxing process. Not only does the photographer have to find the perfect moment to capture, but he then must set up his tripod, choose the right lens, find the appropriate settings on the camera, and manage to avoid hundreds of pesky tourists, all while trying not to bore his photographically challenged girlfriend on their first European adventure (well maybe that last one is unique to ShutterRunner). In my eyes, however, the greatest challenge a photographer faces in executing his craft is managing to preserve a moment while still remaining an active participant in that moment. Essentially, the difficulty lies in simultaneously preserving and experiencing the moment sought to be captured. Some distance between an individual and his experiences is undoubtedly created when he inserts a camera between himself and his surroundings. He risks becoming an outsider, someone who misses the magic unique to a singular moment in time that cannot and will not ever be recreated in the exact same manner. For these reasons, I did not take a single photograph when I studied abroad in Paris in late 2007. Despite the undeniably beauty of my surroundings and the millions of photo opportunities before me, I refused to be like the rest of my classmates, trapped behind their cameras, seeing the world through their lenses rather than their own eyes. I wanted to live each moment of my life in Paris without placing a shield between myself and those moments I knew I would never have the chance to relive. And in that regard, I very much succeeded. After three months, however, I was slightly saddened to come home with nothing but my memories. To this day, I truly regret my decision not to memorialize my experience in any tangible way.
Having recently been afforded the opportunity to go back to Paris, I wanted to do things differently this time around. And as luck would have it, I had an amazing photographer by my side to capture all of my new Parisian memories. Don’t get me wrong though, I did not want this trip to become a picture taking free for all. I knew well enough from my first experience that falling into extremes is not the ideal avenue to pursue. Instead, we sought to strike a balance between preserving our memories and living each moment to the fullest. Whether it was snapping a million pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower and then sitting down to enjoy a picnic on the nearby lawns or it was sneakily snapping some shots in the Sacre-Coeur and then taking a seat on les escaliers de la butte while enjoying some beers and live music, we were able to successfully overcome the challenges of simultaneously preserving and experiencing each moment of our trip. Finding this ideal balance guarantees the best possible outcome: unbelievable memories and breathtaking pictures (like the one right below)!
From the photoblog at www.shutterrunner.com.
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